Husband Choosing for Dummies

So, word on the street (well, the newspapers at least) is that who you marry is probably the biggest decision a woman is likely to make, that to pick a supportive husband is even better, and wouldn't it be good if girls were told this as early as possible. Ideally before divorce number three (forgive me Father for the facetiousness). But am I alone to state that it all seems like, well, a pretty obvious statement? However, what has been interesting about the comments made by Helen Fraser, CEO of The Girl’s Day School Trust, earlier on this week at the organisation’s annual conference, and which in turn were an addendum to a statement made by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg that, and I quote "The most important career choice you'll make is who you marry." is how they have mushroomed into a cornucopia of articles. Some from the usual suspect indignant feminists argue that a successful and fulfilling climb up the career ladder needn't require a man, still others claim that 'women didn't need to be told, much less taught how to select a spouse', and of course there are the subtle pot-shots at poor Helen Fraser and her organisation itself, she is after all just another posh person telling 'the rest of us' how to live.

I wade in fully and honestly biased. Firstly, many moons ago, I attended a school of the ilk that Helen's organisation chairs. During my time there we had an aggressively feminist headmistress; the home economics wing was pulled down and in its place a Design and Technology studio was put up. Academic ambition was drilled into all, whether you were a B minus kinda gal or not, and though there were many, things I loathed at school the 'you can do anything even though you are a girl' ethos definitely had its plus points and I still appreciate it to this day. Secondly, although the school was a Christian foundation, the RE lessons were a carte blanche for girls to retouch their nails and torture the teacher. Usually in that order. And marriage selection and its implications? Sadly no mention was made in RE, or in any other class that all the good work at making us potential masters of the universe or whatever field took our fancy could come undone with a dud choice for a spouse. I wish it had been on the agenda, and the fact that to date, I have attended very few weddings of girls from my alma mater, although some of them seem to have done thoroughly well for themselves in other areas of their lives seems to point to the same. Most of us want to share our lives with someone, and one of our times' greatest tragedies is that this sharing often doesn't go the distance, and that all stems from choices made based on information known.

In a world where we are told what to do and how to be and certain ideals are upheld with almost little or no discernment, in spite of the societal breakdown at an unrelenting pace, isn't it time we re-examined the locus from which we make life partner choices? The march of secularism has been accredited for all sorts of progressive advances for women, the greatest one being that now, in a world, less governed by certain social, cultural, and religious mores women are at an age where they can truly be free and the choices we make are ours alone and thus better. However, I beg to differ. Tucked away at the end of Proverbs is a passage which shows that in Ancient Biblical times there seemed to be no need for a crash course in avoiding jokers who will jack your career path. Proverbs 31:10-31, often referred to more colloquially as the Wife of Noble Character is a passage where an amazing woman is described, who as the title of the passage suggests clearly had a husband. She is not bored, frustrated, under the thumb or bone idle. She is a business woman (Prov31:16-18), a philanthropist (Prov31:20), a fashionista (Prov31:21) and a beloved mother and wife to boot (Prov31:26-29). There it is in the Old Testament, a woman who is having it all, being appreciated for it with no need to attend a class or hear it from a high flying executive. So let's not be fooled by that old ruse that to be religious is to somehow be chained by a misogynist patriarchy, as things were clearly ticking along quite nicely back in the day.

The following verse in the passage holds a clue for our divorce filled, broken relationship times; the writer concludes "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs31:30. We live in a world where to be charming and beautiful is everything, and the fear of the Lord part? We can take it or leave it. Whether it is shmoozing the boss to get that promotion or being considered an A1 babe, those are the qualities that not only society, but if women are really honest, as they too are part of society, often place above all others. And when men do the same women blame them for their shallowness, or cry foul at the media, or start a more radical diet than the last. The biggest clue to getting a great hubby in my humble opinion is selecting a man who wants the full package: a Proverbs 31 woman. Not someone who is hazed by a banging figure, tickled pink by a dulcet voice or boasting to all of his peers about his lady's various accomplishments. It starts, as with all things God related, with the heart. A heart that is focused on things beyond our fleeting time on earth, and our very mortal and eventually failing bodies. A shift in perspective is often the difference between an excellent choice and a rubbish one.

I close this, with a challenge for my readers, if you're a lady and single, on the next date casually ask the chap some interior led questions. If you're a chap and single, check out the bible passage and ask yourself if it really resonates or if the Megan Fox/Beyoncé look-a-like is the only non-mover on your movable list of ideals you are looking for. If you are a hubby tell your wife the bits of the passage that pertain to her with some examples - she will love you for it forever. And finally for the married ladies, make this passage your project plan rather than any other nonsense out there!

This is my favourite article from the deluge that have come out - the reader's comments are worthy of a blog in and of themselves!