I have a sin to confess. No nothing that will get me arrested per se; but a sin nonetheless. In spite knowing in my deep-deep (let’s call that multiple Holy Spirit promptings), that I should be writing and regularly posting on CCC I have let this blog run fallow. Yes, there is an Instagram page (coolchicandinchrist) and yes, I have invited pretty much everyone I know to follow, submit their own mini testimonies and picture so that I can add them to what will hopefully become a never-ending wall of Christos (please do to coolchicandinchrist@gmail.com), but apart from that nothing. Circumstances got in the way of the promised all-singing-all-dancing shiny reboot in my last post, and my irritation at this fact, coupled with a lack of diligence in writing regularly and the usual suspect distractions of everyday living have rendered 2017 ‘til now, and this is super embarrassing for me to type, post free year. However, as with any Christo knows, in Christ one is a new creation thus I am using this Lenten season to start afresh and hopefully make CCC a space where regular discussions happen about what it is to be a Christo today.
Lent, with its focus on penance, fasting
and reflection has always had a reputation as a ‘Downer’ season in the
Christian calendar. After the full on festival that is Christmas, with its cast
of characters and story so potent that even non-believers get involved and
embrace its central message of Hope and Love manifest in a baby in manger, Lent
is often seen as the plaster one has to pull off before we can get on with the
business of eating Chocolate Eggs at Easter. However, as my earlier confession
points out, Lent can be seen not only as a season of self-denial and
flagellation but also an invitation to grow closer in relationship with God.
“When
I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.” Psalm 32:3
Guilt and shame are two very potent emotions
that corrode intimacy, and ultimately the freedom promised in a relationship
with God. This week, found me in hospital with severe food poisoning and a dash
of typhoid, but the pain and discomfort, though horrible was as nothing
compared to times when I have felt truly guilty or ashamed. Emotions unlike
symptoms can be replayed in the mind, and it is in the reliving that they
continue to have life, something the Enemy knows only too well. Silence too is
the perfect accomplice, keeping one feeling trapped and governed by negative
feelings.
“Then
I acknowledged my sin to you and I did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I
will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my
sin.” Psalm
32:5
Confession, whether you are in the Catholic
tradition or not is a powerful tool in overcoming the power that sin can have
one over one’s life. In speaking out the wrongs be they thought or deed you
acknowledge two things; first that you know they are bad and second that it is
only God that can bridge the gap between our mortal brokenness and his infinite
perfection. As the Psalmist points out with confession comes forgiveness, and
with forgiveness new possibilities, as is expounded upon in the rest of Psalm
32.
One of my greatest fears as a Christo is
that I should get so bogged down by feeling guilty and ashamed about any number
of things that it renders me paralysed to do my God given work, and run the
race that has been marked out for me as evoked beautifully in Hebrews:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of
witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily
entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing
our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before
him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of
the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2.
It is what brings me back here, with my
old-school blog, not fretting that there aren’t thousands of comments or that
posts are not going viral, or feeling embarrassed and ashamed that my
activities are not bringing in the bumper harvest for the Lord. Perfectionism is
just a nice word for pride as it is only in God’s love and mercy that any of us
come close to being perfect. So, if like me you suffer from an urge for
everything to be just-so that it renders you doing nothing at all, make the
verses in Hebrew your mantra this season.
So this Lent, though yes I will fast and
follow the classical lectionary I am taking a different approach. This is not a
season where one girds one’s loins, holds one’s breath and ploughs through
kicking yourself for every mistake, wrong turn and poor choice, but rather it
is one where one explores all the nooks and crannies of your Christo journey so
far, with an open heart seeking to learn through the lens of God’s love and
teachings. It is a time to draw near to a Lord whose mercies endure forever,
who is desperate for us all to let our guard down and live a life anew in his
boundless Love.
