A Wrong Turn Isn't A Dead End

Sally, (not her real name) was wailing uncontrollably on the line to me. Without going into the lurid details, she was convinced her life was essentially a waste. That she was a fool, and the world and it's cat, now in possession of some of the salient tit-bits thought so too. Not only that, she was now officially past-it; too old for new beginnings, re-inventions, re-locations or the cool pair of Acne jeans she had spotted online. As I listened silently and compassionately to her plight I was struck by the root cause of her melancholy. It wasn't only the events themselves, but also what she felt they indicated, her life was officially one that had been defined by a calamity and would remain calamity-chocka, always.

We live in a fear and shame driven culture. It is very easy for one's inner voice to tune into the radio station, I like to call it Team Red FM, that will have you either frozen into inactivity when faced with a negative situation or deciding worse is to follow and we innately deserve it. And when we do make a bad call, as all of us will at some point or another; trust the wrong person, spend too long in the wrong job, study the wrong course or even  post the wrong picture, it is all too easy to be governed by the negative repercussions and become scared of making new decisions or entertaining the thought that better can still follow. 'This is clearly my lot' we say to ourselves ,After all, look around at everyone else, living their if not perfect lives, ones that are certainly without the monster sized errors of my own, which now have me languishing in the pit. But that's the dirty trick with Team Red FM, the same crappy song with lyrics such as 'failure' futile' and 'foolish' making up both the chorus and refrain and keeping people believing they've reached the proverbial end of the road.

I directed Sally to one of my favourite verses for the self-loathing, wrong turn heavy season, and one that I have returned to often  during my own difficult patches:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Paul is very explicitly reminding all of us, whether you are full-on believer, fledgling faith warrior, or sometimes in and sometimes out member, that every thing in our lives is used by God for our ultimate benefit. Sometimes, it will not be obvious how this will be the case, but it will always be so, and this is made clearer  in the second part of the verse 'who have been called according to his purpose'. The wrong turns, mistakes and,mishaps are actually part of our calling, and are used for divine purposes. Divine purposes being just that, not fully understood by our mortal minds and oftentimes seemingly nebulous, might feel unbearably painful in the immediate moment, but eventually when all is fully revealed they will be more than worth it.

Furthermore, it is when you make the wrong turn, find yourself lost in the wilderness of poor choices, that one can and indeed should lean on God more for strength, direction and comfort. More often than not, these are lonely times as people by and large are not necessarily the best at rallying round for long during that wrong turn season. But God is. If one reminds oneself, that not only leaning on him but also trusting him for a solution is the way forward then clouds really do begin to lift. Finally, here's the golden thread to cling onto for all it's worth, this is not the end but actually the beginning of an even better season. Suddenly, the wrong turn doesn't feel so wrong after all.

Saints and Sinners

As a card carrying Christo I have always been happy to worship in any space where Jesus is front and centre and am struck by the variance and beauty in how we all believers testify to the everlasting truth of his message. Since moving to Lagos, much of my corporate worship has been happening in the local Catholic Church. However, one of the marked differences is the commemoration and veneration of saints and today is the feast day commemorating one my personal favourite, John the Baptist, whose feast day is today.

Oftentimes John is diminished to the role of ultimate warm up act. After all, he may have been baptising people in the River Jordan, but he wasn’t the main event, the promised and expected messiah, and admitted as much himself:

“I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire” Matthew 3:11

However, what I love about John the Baptist most, apart from the freestyle wild hair he is often portrayed with in paintings, his minimalist fashion choices of camel tunic and equally singular diet of locusts and wild honey (grasshoppers are a delicacy in Uganda where I am from), is his fearlessness coupled with purposefulness. Here was a man who was quite happy to be the contrarian. The voice calling out in the wilderness, the one who could have kept quiet or chosen to blend in with the crowd in spite of having received the revelation of Jesus’ imminent arrival. But he didn’t as he knew much was at stake than his own personal safety or comfort and instead:

“He came as a witness to testify concerning the light, so that through him all men might believe.” John1:7

Whilst believers today might not have Jesus turning up to see us in action and ask to be baptised by us, we do have the same opportunity as John to testify and be a witness to the light. Being a witness isn’t just about conventional evangelism, it is about others, particularly those beyond the comfort of our church communities seeing the Holy Spirit and Fire baptism that John so vividly evokes living in us. It is what we see when the congregation members at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, return to worship and praise God after the tragedy of the massacre last week, or when we choose to do what is difficult but marks out the transformation and new life that resides in us as followers of Christ.

It is only when we do the extraordinary, when we go against the grain that others can see what is tangibly different about a life led with Christ at its centre. The sinful nature doesn’t go away, and we are probably likely do something off-key pretty soon after. However, in this world that can so often be steeped in darkness, jaded by cynicism and seek to quickly explain away the good that there is, testifying to the light, being unafraid of having a splash of the wild-man about you, is the most compelling and powerful thing you will do in your Christian walk. Try it, honey roast ham baguettes an optional extra!

Confessions From A Mediocre Lent

With less than two weeks to go to the end of Lent and less than a week to the Christo crescendo that is Holy Week, I have a confession to make: I have had possibly the most mediocre Lent ever. In years past, I have gone full throttle, prayed, fasted, sung psalms, albeit badly and generally got into the zone of preparing for Easter with its central story of life anew. So what happened this year and how does one get one’s mojo back pronto in time for Palm Sunday cross waving and general merriment the Sunday after?

It is often considered seriously bad form to admit to feelings of lassitude in one’s faith walk. Everything, particularly in the modern Christian scene is very much geared to the ‘it is well’ and ‘JC gives a gold-star’ way of speaking and feeling. In Lent, we are meant to be strengthening our spiritual muscles, contemplating all that God has done for us, reviewing all of the stuff that we might do well to put aside or stop doing. The inventory of thought life, home life and work life is meant to have been taken with items carefully checked off, if not all, at least some. But what happens when it hasn’t been that way? When life’s myriad of distractions, desires or even disasters have landed slap bang in the middle of this season and rendered attendance at church or even a mumbled prayer at the beginning and close of the day as good as it gets? Perhaps, the best place to head is to the words of Jesus himself:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

As always, it all begins and ends and begins again with Jesus. When things whether spiritual, physical, emotional or financial start to feel like an enormous weight that is not getting any lighter, it is time to stumble to the Lord and hand it all over. The invitation is not only to those who are ‘heavily burdened’ but also open to those who are ‘weary’; whether from circumstances or anything else. What is interesting to note is that there is no further qualifier in Jesus’ statement. He doesn’t say ‘Come to me, all you who are always shiny-happy believers’ or ‘all who have never had moments of doubt, fear, frustration or anger’ or ‘all you who are front and centre doing good works’. Also worth noting is that sometimes we and not God are the impediment. I for one, realise my insistence on rating my Lent experience is endemic of the age we live in where every experience can be ‘Liked’ or ‘Unliked’.  

Whilst admission that Lent 2015 has so far not been a sparkling Christian affair, it does not mean that all is lost, or that there cannot be a grand turnaround every bit as dramatic as that of Easter Sunday. So roll on the last few days, and in the interim, perhaps more time spent unloading the burdens and having a good long nap in bosom of the Lord is the way forward.

Made For You

Six months and counting is a long time to leave a blog a post-free zone. In this age of constant communiqués, such a casual sabbatical is pretty much social-media suicide. You are what you tweet as it were. But I have a fairly good reason for having been under the radar: being knee deep in finishing up a manuscript and getting married.

Yes, pop the champagne! Or rather the champagne was well and truly popped as me and my best beloved were witnessed by family and friends enter into a covenant agreement with God a fortnight ago. Yup, there are definitely three people in this marriage; me, him and my favourite-favourite, JC. Much is made of getting married and the preparation around the happy day and I purposely chose to not blog about either. Until today of course, oops, ma bad. Churches have often created a sense of panic around the subject of love and marriage; with singletons being made to feel that the wedding day, is some sort of spiritual finish line. Praise God! You are married! You have become one of the ‘bones of my bones and flesh of my flesh’ elite! No more chilling on the margins of church life, the horrendous lot reserved especially for those still single post their thirtieth birthday. No need to ponder about guilt-free sex, because you can do as much of the horizontal lambada as you please, without the raised eyebrow of judgment from some in the pews with you.  Sometimes, with all the hoop-la around the topic you could be mistaken into thinking that this is the whole point of the whole point. But of course it is not.

Marriage is one of the many blessings that God gives to us. Because by its very nature it is relational, we often long for it, and fairy-tales, movies and literature have been pretty good at over-egging the pudding in regard to this particular happy=ever=after!  If we look at the first instance in the bible of a couple getting together, it was God’s idea to begin with:

“It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

The first part of this verse often gets more of the airtime. We focus on singleness not being the ideal. The verse seemingly goes one further:  it is not good to be alone!  Things are not cheer-worthy until one has had a Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire ‘You Complete Me’ moment, either as the recipient or indeed the deliverer of the speech. And in the interim there is whatever distraction you shove in its place. But this is not the case as is seen in the second part of the verse, in which God states ‘I will make a helper suitable for him.’ As an incurable romantic, the phrase ‘I will make a helper’ warms my heart; God makes a promise, he will definitely make someone. So if this Valentine’s Day is one where you are flying solo, know that there is definitely someone, should it be your heart’s desire of course, as we do not serve a bullying God, and not everyone is called to marriage, who is in the works. 

The next part of the sentence is even more exciting ‘suitable for him’. One is drawn to the various connotations of the word ‘suitable’. I like to think of it in clothing terms. Some items just do not suit you. They might look great on a hanger or incredible in a magazine editorial, but all wrong on your body. Sometimes, things may suit you for a season, you wear them to death and then one day, you put it on, and you just know that you are sick of that look, and off to the charity shop it goes. In some instances, you think something suits you, rock it and look back at pictures of you in said item, usually courtesy of someone uploading it on Throwback Thursday and think: “what on earth was I thinking?!” I know, I certainly think that with stuff I’ve worn and if I am being truly honest, some of the people I have dated.  So my message to those still on the dating journey, think investment pieces all the way. 

As for my darling husband; to use the clothing analogy, he is the perfect LBD, effortlessly stylish, flattering yet comfortable, guaranteed to make me feel sensational when worn, and most definitely a timeless, forever piece in my wardrobe. I am sure there are many others who feel exactly the same way about their special person too, so let us all give thanks to God, today and always for the person made just for you.

The Day After the Fast Before

And so as quickly as it began it has ended. The Daniel Fast, a fast that I thought would defeat me with all of its dietary restrictions, is officially over. And here’s the weird thing - I already miss it. Not in a mediaeval self-flagellating way, but in what it has managed to do to the interior of me way. 

The fast was combined with a modified Divine Office (no, that’s not a place where pay rises are given on a daily, that’s the set hours monks pray, but we reduced ours from the traditional seven), where me and the other three I was doing the fast with would pray, whether we were at work, on public transport or tucked up in bed.  For me the corporate aspect of the fast was very 1^st Century Church, where unity was front and centre of the Christo walk. And even when disagreements came, they didn’t dominate the main objective of us all which was to draw nearer to God.

So would I recommend this fast to people? Absolutely. In these past three weeks, spending more time in devotion, less time wondering what I am going to eat or snack on, more time dwelling on and being thankful of the  random blessings I take for granted , no time at all strung out on caffeine or hung over from the night before has been a divine revelation. It has made me more in touch with my soul, that eternal part of us all, that we sometimes neglect when we preoccupy ourselves with the things of the world. To get to this point, of feeling that this is a pleasure and a privilege rather than a chore of gargantuan proportions,  one’s perspective and approach must change as Jesus puts it below:

“When you fast, do not look sombre as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.” Matthew 6:16

A lot of the people who have asked me about the fast have questioned whether it was a wish-fulfilment exercise. A case of doing something super-out there to catch God’s attention, or perhaps it was the last roll of the dice of the spiritually desperate.  A sort of plea bargain from the believer which goes along the lines of: ‘Lord I will do this and then in return you will do that’. This impression of fasting has certainly been coloured by ‘name it to claim it’ philosophies in some new churches in recent years. But if we look at fasting in the biblical perspective; it is always done in preparation for something greater.  Daniel fasted and then his visions became super-sized,  Jesus fasted and then his ministry began; we fast and – well that’s the exciting part, we might not know what exactly comes next but we do know we are better prepared for it. As I have said in previous posts, God is not loving the spiritual swots more than others, however, if we want to grow stronger in our spirit, it might be wise to swot up.

  

Beef because there’s no beef to eat? Day 5 of the Daniel Fast

 

All quiet on the fasting front. Well not quite, it has been a hectic few days; apart from the assumption I was on some insane accelerated bikini diet by friends I’ve met up with socially when they’ve seen me decline the vino, say no to cheese and pass on some almost calling out my name such was its aroma chimchirri beef. The actual logistics of the fast have become manageable and I have become a little more organised in the shopping, but that is not the whole story.

As I said in my first fasting related post, I am doing the Daniel Fast corporately.  There are three other women in the mix and as is often the case when different approaches to following the Lord come into play, disagreements can escalate.  Emails have been exchanged and I guess that Solomon would put me and my fellow Christo chick in the dock with this following verse, and plead with us to do less of the first part of the sentence and more of the last:

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18

In my opinion, the greatest challenge to Christos in the 21^st century is not the militant atheists, the fundamentalists in other faiths, the New Age mystics and the Pagan worshippers. No, the greatest challenge is closer to home, and it is with one another. I have seen many simply amazing people of God marginalised, victimised and sometimes chased out of the church, because they did not fit a particular template. On one level, it is almost darkly comical,  as bible verses are used as grenades for condemnation rather than compassion, and people are sifted as being either ‘true to The Word’ or just ‘mere part-timers’. But here is the thing; we ALL fall woefully short of the gold standard set by Jesus. Whether you are a Christo super=swot , on first name terms with the vicar and running a ministry on the side or the dosser who comes in late, enjoys the singing and occasionally nods off in the sermon, Jesus loves you exactly to the same infinite measure.

So what do we do about the divisions within Team JC?  Firstly, recognise them for what they are which is a distraction and an impediment to us all doing what we are called to do. Rather like the trash telly that delays one from getting on with the important tasks of the day, division stalls us from getting on with the vital work of being part of God’s amazing plan. If God had really wanted a monoculture, he would have created one. Instead he delights in the variety and uniqueness in us all. It is a classic Team Red approach to try and disrupt the work of four awesome women of God (bigging up the others as much as myself here) when they are seeking to deepen their faith on an epic fast. If we’re too busy arguing and nit-picking and pointing fingers, we will miss the blessings, insights, challenges and the joy that comes with fellowship. Heck, we might even miss something super-exciting, such as an Upper Room moment complete with tongues of fire, because we’re pressing the ‘reply all’ button.

I tend not to dwell too much on the Devil, give him the airtime and he will suck all the oxygen and leave you with the not so useful Carbon Dioxide. However, it is interesting to note how he always shows up when something extraordinary is about to happen. Even Jesus himself was tempted in the wilderness when he fasted, and we all know what happened after that – his world changing ministry. During a fast you are physically vulnerable, and with that coupled with the corporate one I am currently on, may come harsh words, irrational thoughts and everything else in between. Yet in the midst of this our communality of purpose must not be forgotten as Paul says in his final letter written before he died.

“I plead with you Euodia and I plead with you Synthyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.”

Philippians 4:2  

The sentence says it all, we all are in the same Lord, of course Euodia and Synthyche were their own women and clearly of note if Paul is name-checking them in his final letter.  Maybe they were friends, maybe they were (LOLZ) fasting together. Paul is pleading with them because he knows what’s at stake: unity, progression and being salt and light in the present generation. I think I may suggest a barbeque for us to break the fast too come late June, that’s one way to kill the beef!

 

On the Fasting Frontline: Day 1 of the Daniel Fast

Last weekend, a very good friend of mine invited me to join her and three others on a fast. I have done the corporate fasting thing before = and with Ascension Day been and gone (it was on the 29 May for those who missed it) and my own birthday (on the 25 May, and yes, I am still accepting gifts) giving me an opportunity to pause and reflect and seeking to go deeper on my spiritual walk,  I accepted. The friend said they were doing the Daniel Fast! Ooh, I thought, I’ve never done that one – bog standard Lenten of eating only once in the evening was tried and tested, subsisting on water alone a la Esther , for three days had also been ticked off; sure I nearly fainted,  and will probably never try it again, but the Daniel one, no. Writing this at the end of Day 1 I can safely tell you that I now know why; it’s a flipping nightmare. And I’ve signed up for 21 days of it. Words fail me.

“I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips; and I used no lotions at all until the three weeks were over” Daniel 10:3

Today, I was pretty much unprepared for the actual fasting; once I had done a cursory look at my fridge I realised that pretty much everything in it was either choice food (bread, dairy, pasta) a meat (Smoked Salmon, assorted cold cuts, a Tupperware of here’s one I made earlier chicken stock) and let’s not even contemplate the various ‘lotions’ on my dressing table, that merit a whole paragraph of their own.  The fridge inspection left me with very little choice and in the end lunch today consisted of grated carrot, red cabbage, lemon and chili flakes, but as seen below Gastrotastic.com styles, plated and consumed outside the beautiful Farm Street Church things weren’t looking too bleak. So far, so expensive detox, with window shopping acting as pudding.  But as the day progressed and I got more and more irritable, as a persistent headache refused to shift other things came into play.

What I soon discovered is how much I have come to rely on those choice foods to get me through the challenges of life. Of course I pray, go to church and do the whole bible study thing on a regular, but if I am honest there are some prayers that I have been sending heavenwards with no seeming response for so long, that the material, in this case the charcuterie counter, have proven to be a more reliable point of comfort. JC isn’t listening but thank God Waitrose is still open. Whilst praying and let me add working towards said breakthroughs, I have been guilty of ‘treating myself’ with assorted goodies from slabs of cake and mountains of pasta to the obligatory I made it through the day wine o’clock tipple. And let’s not even get me started on my number one medication of choice caffeine. Tea and coffee are practically human rights issues for me, and the end seems so far away.

I am aware my first post is low on spirituality, but if anything it has highlighted to me just how dependant I have become on physical succour of the edible variety rather than the more metaphysical.  Daniel himself fasted when he was in an unexpected and not entirely fabulous place but as a result of it the miraculous came to him along with a vision to end all visions. At the risk of sounding slightly sacrilegious this fast better put trust in JC back front and centre rather than my trifecta of meat, booze and caffeine, I am praying for nothing less and a whole lot more.