Are You A Church B****?

It’s 9.45 am. Service starts at 10.00 and you have given yourself an internal pat on the back for not only resisting swearing your way through traffic to get to church on time, but also singing worship songs all the way and having general thanksgiving type thoughts for the week just passed. Plus you have managed to save seats for your closest friends and there’s brunch to look forward to as well, perhaps you will try that new place that just opened and everyone is talking about, you muse to yourself, smoothing down  your new outfit, which thankfully is church compliant too. Midway through this gentle revelry, you are interrupted by a tap on the shoulder;

“Can I take a seat?” says a smiley stranger, you certainly have never seen in church. Do you:

A)     Smile sweetly and say, ‘I’m terribly sorry but these seats are taken’, before directing the newbie to other spare seats in the church.

B)      Look the newbie up and down, before saying quietly but firmly, ‘No these seats are not free’ throwing a scarf, handbag, mobile and anything else you have onto your reserved seats.

C)      Sigh audibly, let the newbie sit, but when your friends come make a song and dance of all squeezing into the allotted space, maybe the newbie will get the message and shift.

D)     Let the newbie sit, you and your friends still squeeze into the space anyway, but make absolutely no attempt to engage the newcomer, bar a weak handshake during the Peace.

If you are nodding to any of the above, or have done even a slightly ‘kinder’ modified-for-your-environment of any of the above, or done something, not quite the same but vaguely reminiscent, and felt bad about it, but justified your actions anyway (it’s all in the context darling), then you are officially a Church B****. That’s right, you may have turned up on time, be filled with ‘By God’s Grace’ and ‘Thank you Lord’ lyrics, and be wearing an outfit that screams ‘Holy Stylish’ but you are a meanie in the house of the Lord, and you are probably the cause of a lot of pain, shame and in the worst instances, abandonment altogether of not only the pews, but also the Good News.

Christos are meant to be in this world, but not of this world, and the moment we get into the cliquey, excluding zone, we reflect some of the worst aspects of human nature, rather than the God breathed one, given to us by his unending grace. Answer A is faux helpful, but let’s be real, there is no real welcome. Answer B, is outright rude and with the spreading of items, confrontational. Answer C is the worst sort of passive aggressive behaviour, although I applaud the thick-skinned newcomer who endures  and sings loudly for added measure, and Answer D, would have any vulnerable individual convinced that they are not welcome and may not be worthy of the love and care of God or his people.

When we find ourselves getting into a bit of a social routine at church, it is probably a sign to shake things up. Whilst yes, we are a family, and inevitably we will get closer to some parishioners  more than others, we should also be mindful that by being in Christ, we are part of one body that has many parts and are thus all of equal import and value. As Paul succinctly states:

“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it.”

1 Corinthians `12:26

So, if church has become a bit like a member’s club for you, with your ‘set’ firmly in place, remember, that your ‘set’ is just one tiny part of the body of Christ. And that individual that you either inadvertently or intentionally freeze out is also part of Christ’s body. Be kind to them and Christ himself rejoices, push them out and you wound Jesus himself with your frosty, ice-queen attitude.  And for those wanting to banish the Mean Girls tendencies for good, maybe invite the newcomer to brunch, we are after all one big, messy but happy family. And God loves us all the more for it.

A Wrong Turn Isn't A Dead End

Sally, (not her real name) was wailing uncontrollably on the line to me. Without going into the lurid details, she was convinced her life was essentially a waste. That she was a fool, and the world and it's cat, now in possession of some of the salient tit-bits thought so too. Not only that, she was now officially past-it; too old for new beginnings, re-inventions, re-locations or the cool pair of Acne jeans she had spotted online. As I listened silently and compassionately to her plight I was struck by the root cause of her melancholy. It wasn't only the events themselves, but also what she felt they indicated, her life was officially one that had been defined by a calamity and would remain calamity-chocka, always.

We live in a fear and shame driven culture. It is very easy for one's inner voice to tune into the radio station, I like to call it Team Red FM, that will have you either frozen into inactivity when faced with a negative situation or deciding worse is to follow and we innately deserve it. And when we do make a bad call, as all of us will at some point or another; trust the wrong person, spend too long in the wrong job, study the wrong course or even  post the wrong picture, it is all too easy to be governed by the negative repercussions and become scared of making new decisions or entertaining the thought that better can still follow. 'This is clearly my lot' we say to ourselves ,After all, look around at everyone else, living their if not perfect lives, ones that are certainly without the monster sized errors of my own, which now have me languishing in the pit. But that's the dirty trick with Team Red FM, the same crappy song with lyrics such as 'failure' futile' and 'foolish' making up both the chorus and refrain and keeping people believing they've reached the proverbial end of the road.

I directed Sally to one of my favourite verses for the self-loathing, wrong turn heavy season, and one that I have returned to often  during my own difficult patches:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Paul is very explicitly reminding all of us, whether you are full-on believer, fledgling faith warrior, or sometimes in and sometimes out member, that every thing in our lives is used by God for our ultimate benefit. Sometimes, it will not be obvious how this will be the case, but it will always be so, and this is made clearer  in the second part of the verse 'who have been called according to his purpose'. The wrong turns, mistakes and,mishaps are actually part of our calling, and are used for divine purposes. Divine purposes being just that, not fully understood by our mortal minds and oftentimes seemingly nebulous, might feel unbearably painful in the immediate moment, but eventually when all is fully revealed they will be more than worth it.

Furthermore, it is when you make the wrong turn, find yourself lost in the wilderness of poor choices, that one can and indeed should lean on God more for strength, direction and comfort. More often than not, these are lonely times as people by and large are not necessarily the best at rallying round for long during that wrong turn season. But God is. If one reminds oneself, that not only leaning on him but also trusting him for a solution is the way forward then clouds really do begin to lift. Finally, here's the golden thread to cling onto for all it's worth, this is not the end but actually the beginning of an even better season. Suddenly, the wrong turn doesn't feel so wrong after all.